30 Days

Fall is by far the most magical season. It has always held a special place in my heart. The beauty of the cool days shinning with the warmth of the sun, the crisp mornings and brisk evenings are soothing to the soul. It's the season of my favourite attire, hoodies. I live in hoodies. I live for hoodies. Bonfires, apple picking, pumpkin picking, carving pumpkins, baking, apple cider, Halloween, the list of wonder goes on and on. There is so much to love about Fall, everything except the days between September 5th and October 16th. 

September 5th-October 16th are the hardest few weeks of the year for me. All my trauma, with the exception of my miscarriage, has happened between those dates. Ty died, Jacob was born and died, I got separated, my first kitty Milo died in a heartbreaking way, so much shit, most of my trauma has happened during the most magical season. For years, I could not stand the thought of Fall. It annoyed me to know it was coming because my grief was always the most severe at that time of year. Slowly, I started to see the magic and beauty of Fall again and now I view it as a time to re-focus. The cool, crisp Fall air motivates me like nothing else. The sun beaming down through the fields of apples and pumpkins with just a touch of warmth, those are my days. 

This year, I don't want to let the burden of carrying that trauma become negative. I have been struggling and if I don't act, it will be like it was years ago. I will eat my way through those days and become no stronger than before. 

This year I decided to take 30 days during that time, 30 days for me. I have an opportunity to focus on me and that's what I will do. The 30 days will not be consecutive because life happens and there are days where I rather enjoy myself, its about balance. But within those 30 days I will eat healthier to nourish my body. I will work out to help my body rid itself of the held trauma. I will continue EMDR to work with my mind and body on making connections again, at clearing some hard emotions. I will figure out what I want to do in life, I know the end goal is to get a masters degree but I need something else more fulfilling in the meantime. I have some crazy ideas and I'll see where they take me. 

Taking 30 days for me is important, I recommend every one take 30 days for themselves once a year. Out of 365 days, taking 30 for you is not a lot but needed. Take the time to re-focus, explore where you were, where you are and where you want to go. Realign your goals and dreams with what you are currently passionate about. Discover new passions, sign up to volunteer somewhere, try a new sport or activity, bake a new recipe. You don't have to go all out but give yourself some time for you. Pick up a good book, watch a movie, go for a hike, bring the old you into the new you. 

This year, between September 5th and October 16th, I am taking 30 days for me. I may have to extend that 30 days until the end of October due to some rather unfortunate upcoming surgery, but even during recovery, I am going to try my best to keep going. In the past I have shut down, I have pushed people away, I have shopped, I have eaten more than I should (which is okay from time to time, remember balance) I hurt, I struggle, I cry. this year, there have and will be more tears, but I am pushing myself more now than I ever have before. 

I encourage everyone to do the same. Is there a particular time of you that you struggle with? Find 30 days around that time and work your way through it. Let the grasp go and focus on going forward. Step by step. Together, we can each give ourselves 30 days and at the end of those 30 days we can all reflect on how far we have come in such a short amount of time.  If you care to share, leave a message below. What time of year will you take for you, when do you struggle the most?