There is so much happening in the world right now, be thankful you live where you live. There is so much happening in the world now, be thankful you have what you have. There is so much happening in the world, be thankful you don't fear bombs, guns, civil distress, fires, hurricanes, landslides, tsunamis. You're lucky you grief is only minimal. You couldn't have loved a baby when you were only 6 weeks pregnant.
How many of you have had comparison grief mentioned to you? Do you even know what comparison grief is? Comparison grief, to me, is a way in which people try to minimize you grief. It is 100% NOT OKAY. People get uncomfortable when you talk about pregnancy and infant loss. People get uncomfortable when you talk about divorce. People get uncomfortable when you talk about mental health. I make a lot of people uncomfortable since my life is all 3. Comparison grief is a means to try and comfort someone, usually the person saying it. They try to be thoughtful and let you know that a lot is happening that could be worse but I can tell you, losing a child, going through divorce and having mental health challenges are some of the hardest things I can go through.
It's the I. I, where I live am thankful I don't have to worry about bombs, guns, civil distress and so on. I where I live, am thankful for what I do have, I where I live, am thankful I do live where I live but that does not by any means make it okay for someone to tell me I'm better off. It doesn't for you either. I can tell you being pregnant even at 6 weeks, that loss hit my deep in my soul. I remember people comparing it to a full term loss or an infant loss saying how it was probably a "breeze" compared to losing Ty or Jacob. Yes, someone actually told me my miscarriage must have been a breeze. They were comparing my grief and telling me what I should be thankful for and that it's good it happened at 6 weeks as opposed to full term like the boys.
Stop comparing grief. If you are tempted to tell someone they should be thankful or that they are lucky, stop. You have no right to tell anyone how to grieve and you have no right to compare their grief to others in the world. Just because I live in a society that is pretty stable does not mean my grief is any less than those who don't. Their grief is theirs. My grief is mine. Grief is individual.
If you are at a loss for what to say to someone a simple, Im sorry, I'm here for you, that must have been hard. I'll be here to listen to you without judgement. I offer my shoulder for crying. Let's go out and eat until out pants burst open. You need a day at the spa, my treat. That's shitty. I hear you. I see you. You deserve the world.
Don't, however, hand someone a lottery ticket and say better luck next time. Just no comparing their grief to try and make you feel more comfortable. It's not okay to try and invalidate someone's feelings because talking about it makes you uncomfortable. If you just can't say anything nice, then staying silent is an option too.
People who experience trauma, no, anyone who has feelings and emotions is allowed to feel them how they come, that's how emotions work. They do not need to have things pointed out to them. They do not need to be reminded of things to be thankful for, what they need is to acknowledge those feelings, sit with them and work through them. Shoving them down doesn't do anybody any good and a part of that is comparing their grief to other things going on in the world. Grief is individual, remember that when you are talking to someone who is grieving, allow them the space to grieve how they need to and for however long they need too.
Connect with me
All Of My Children
This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:
Current Number Of Columns are = 2
Expand Posts Area =
Gap/Space Between Posts = 10px
Blog Post Style = card
Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1
Blog Post Card Background Color = current color
Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color
Blog Post Card Border Color = current color
Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results