This post is going to blow your mind because I'm going to go against a very well known thought regarding forgiveness. How many of you have heard the phrase, forgive, forget and move on? I'm sure at some point we've all heard that if you forgive it means you have strength, if you don't forgive it means you are weak. Or maybe you heard that forgiveness will allow you to free yourself, or there is no peace without forgiveness? Here's the thing, you don't have to forgive to achieve any of that.
Crazy right? All your life (and mine) I have heard these quotes over and over about forgiveness and how you have to forgive to let go or move on and that it makes you weak if you don't forgive. I think it's all bullshit. There are many factors to "forgiving: someone. One key piece to forgiving someone is accountability. The other person has to take accountability for their actions and apologize. Without that key piece, it makes forgiving almost impossible but you don't have to forgive people.
Not forgiving people doesn't make you weak. Not forgiving people doesn't mean you can't love or move on. Not forgiving doesn't mean you won't have peace. Not forgiving doesn't mean you can't free yourself. In fact, you are capable of all that, forgiveness or not.
You can free yourself and be in a good place. You can gain strength by standing tall and not forgiving, if the hurt doesn't hold place in your heart, then there is no need to forgive. I think that's where the word forgiveness gets misconstrued. Society seems to think that you have to forgive in order to let go but you can let go and still not forgive.
I woke up today and yet again found another post about you needing to forgive others to have peace within. I digress again, you do not need to forgive to find peace. You do however, need to find an acceptable place for the hurt feeling others have caused so it doesn't take hold on you but that doesn't always come in the form of forgiveness. It could come in the form of acceptance, understanding, compassion, empathy, or being gentle on yourself. Reminding yourself that you are human and that you are who you are. If someone is not willing to ask for forgiveness, that is on them and not you. Do not let them have the power, do not let them have control, put that on them and let go. And guess what.....that doesn't mean you have to forgive, just don't hold onto those feelings of hurt, find other avenues to soften that sadness.
Seek help from a professional, talk to someone. Talk about the event that has caused the hurt and sadness, find a way to get everything out so it doesn't take a hold on you. Find a new space to place those feelings so you can free yourself, don't let someone else have that control, free yourself. Don't forgive if you don't want to, some people don't deserve it but regardless, deal with the emotions so you can have peace. The peace part of "forgiveness" doesn't come from someone else's actions, it comes from within. Take action for you.
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All Of My Children
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