Did you enjoy it more this year than you would have last year? That question has sat with me for over 24 hours now. Chatting with my personal trainer about our recent trip to the East coast of Canada, I said it was an okay trip. There were a few things that hindered it from being amazing. He then proceeded to ask me that question. It's all I can think about....
With a quick response, I stated yes, without a doubt it was more enjoyable this year than it would have been last year. Most people may not think twice about the question or answer but it has really sunk in deep within my soul. Why? Within the last 24 hours I have noticed a small change in myself. Having had to think about how I would have felt last summer to how I actually felt this summer, there has been a change.
Change in oneself, especially for me, is hard to see. Often it's our cheerleaders on the side who notice and mention our changes. Typically, we shug them off as, oh I guess so. I was challenged yesterday, more than once, on my thoughts and feelings. Re-connecting to the person I was last year, in that moment, was easy. Absolutely, hands down I enjoyed it far better this year. But to look at ones old self, that's hard.
It's hard to admit where you were and perhaps that is why it is so hard to see where one has come. It's hard to admit our personal strengths and growth. Denial seems to be a big hurdle in the road of recovery. Denying how bad you were, how low your spirit was, how low you were emotionally. Seeing the vulnerability within oneself and acknowledging how far you have made it.
If you take a moment and ask yourself a similar question, how did I feel last year? What is different this year compared to last year. It's hard to face but I think it can be eye opening. You may surprise yourself with acknowledging how much you have grown. Maybe you feel you haven't grown at all but perhaps you actually have. Truth is, some people won't say they've grown at all, some people don't want to acknowledge it and some people may have stayed the same, not understanding that in life people are always changing, it's normal. But today, ask yourself, where were you this time last year. How did you feel at this time last year. Connect to an emotion from a year ago and sit with it. Allow yourself to see the change within. I'll be your personal cheerleader, you have changed! My how so many of you have changed into something beautiful. Maybe you've grown more resilient, maybe you were done with bullshit and put your foot down, maybe you have set boundaries and held to them, maybe you became more gentle on yourself, maybe you let go of guilt, maybe you tried a new food, maybe you tried a new activity, whatever it is, be proud of it no matter how small of a change it was. Hold onto that and take it into the next year because this time next year, when you reflect back, I bet you will have changed even more.
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All Of My Children
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