Sitting with upsetting emotions is never comfortable. It forces you to sit and dwell on that uncomfortableness. It makes you think and feel and no one ever really likes to do that. It's not a great feeling, but sometimes sitting with emotions helps you acknowledge, understand and face them on the way to healing.
Blogging has been on the back of my mind since I last posted. I have yet to sit down down since October 15th to write. My mind is on overdrive. I forgot how exhausting, mentally and emotionally, EMDR can be. It's like my mind and body are saying, no we are done, we are just done! The level of exhaustion is almost impossible but I'll always keep going, it won't ever keep me down.
Last week in EMDR I identified two words that I have been sitting with since. Two words have taken a hold on my mind and body. Two words bring up so many memories, thoughts, feelings and emotions. Two words have brought me down. Two simple words.
Two words have seen many tears. Two words have felt more emotion that I have felt in a long time. Two words have made me sad, a level of sadness I can't shake.
During my session last week we had to stop half way through because my brain could not handle it. These two words opened a landslide of memories which brought on emotions, thoughts and feelings. I crumbled so many times sitting with these two words My brain could not process the influx of memories so we had to stop and let me brain take a rest. It hasn't rested since. Those two words woke me up, Those two words lifted me into limbo between now and then. Those two words have brought up 100's of emotions, varying throughout the day. I have sat each and every day with those words and the feelings and thoughts that come with them. External life events have prompted further memories, feelings, emotions and thoughts.
My brain is working very hard on processing everything, it is trying to heal the past so that the future may be manageable. Some days I feel it will never happen because there is so much there, so much stuff in my mind and body, it's just become a part of who I am. I try to remember how helpful EMDR was last time around to give me the motivation to keep going, to work through the exhaustion and all these uncomfortable feelings. I don't like sitting with all these emotions, it's hard and I have had so many headaches from crying but I know if I can just make it through the next few weeks, it will be okay. It is going to take a while to clear all these thoughts, feelings, memories and emotions because there is a lot there. There is a lot there but I also know it is holding me back in my current life.
I never knew the power of identifying emotional words could be so gripping. I never would have imagined that saying two words out loud could open so many portals of the past. These two words have taken a toll on me and my mind/body. These two words: hurt and loneliness.
Connect with me
All Of My Children
This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:
Current Number Of Columns are = 2
Expand Posts Area =
Gap/Space Between Posts = 10px
Blog Post Style = card
Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1
Blog Post Card Background Color = current color
Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color
Blog Post Card Border Color = current color
Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results