It's been quiet over here, so quiet that you can hear the crickets chirping. Actually, crickets chirping is one of my favourite summer time sounds. For my mental health, I made a promise to myself last month to take a step back. I've taken great leaps forwards this year and felt I needed to take a step back to rejuvenate my soul.
December 2019 is the last month in this decade. Decade is such a heavy word for me. As I sat and thought about my life since 2010, I have suffered incredibly trauma this decade and focusing on the new energy that 2020 will bring, the new decade, taking time to step back and give myself the space to think and heal was important.
As I moved forward this year, I did so holding my breath. The past month I have been working on releasing my breath. I started to do Yoga each day, sometimes to relax and sometimes to challenge myself mentally and physically. In the practice of yoga, breath is integral to the success of a session so I've had to focus on learning how to properly breathe. I've never been one to enjoy the practice of breathing (though I do very much love breathing) sometimes it makes me feel dizzy so I've avoided most talk of "practice breathing" but through my new found love of yoga, I feel energized.
I don't know if anyone else feels it, but when I am doing yoga I can actually feel the energy within. It allows me to harness my breath easier and focus on breathing through the movements. It's really kind of fascinating now that I've actually been doing yoga, to see how it has affected me, in a really good way. The more I practice the more I find myself breathing during stressful situations. The more I find I am able to focus on my imagery or other things and not let my anxiety take over, given I still have my moments (I am human after all).
The last month of this decade is important for me. I've been working on releasing all that does not serve me (trust me some things still have a hold on me) but I'm trying. I am giving meditation a chance (I'm talking like 2-3 minutes because I still can't sit longer than that) and really focusing on healing the past so I can move forward into the future while still trying to remain in the present. Yoga helps with being in the present (mainly because I don't know all the terms yet so I'm so focused on watching the tv to see what the heck pose I'm trying to accomplish) but it has given me strength as well. I've seen my strength (mentally and physically) improve over the last few weeks, I have pushed my body into poses I didn't think were possible and though they weren't at first, after a few weeks, I'm surprising myself with what I am capable of.
Getting to this point was no easy task. I started this year with a personal trainer who taught me not only about physical strength but mental and how the two go hand in hand. Through him I learned how it felt to feel strong and from that foundation I am branching out more. A foundation that took almost a year to build but I am stubborn so.....
Taking a step back from everything allowed me and continues to allow me (it is still December afterall) to really focus on self care. I've been attending some groups at our local womens centre that have been transforming and healing. The skills and tools I have learned ( a lot of it has been about meditation and breath and even a few yoga classes) will help me in the new decade.
Life sometimes can become overwhelming and I find it best to take a step back. I cancelled a lot of my commitments and only did or saw people that served my goal of self love and self care. I connected with those in my life that give an amazing energy, those that support and encourage and are there through everything. New friendships have been formed and old friendships have been strengthened (still working on this, there are some more relationships I would like to continue to foster).
I've put myself out there more this year than before. I've started my own company and would like to see where that takes me: (https://www.tobedeterminedco.com/ for all that are interested) Mental health is very near and dear to me as I live with it daily and it feels right to bring awareness to the issues surrounding the stigma. My mission is to fight the stigma of mental health one shirt at a time. I'm excited for the opportunity and hope that I can see my dreams for my company come true.
I also joined a book club and through it, have found an even more intense love for reading. I officially finished watching Friends (I've never seen it prior to this September and made my way through all 10 seasons in 2 months) and now, I have a book in hand pretty much where ever I go. During my step back I have made sure to read more, lord knows I have plenty of books to choose from (around 500). It was important for me to reconnect with that love as it had gone missing for so long. My goal has been 2 books per month but I'm almost on my third one this month. I even purchased a special cover for my books so when I'm out and about they are protected!
My step back has been about self discovery, seeing where I have been and where I want to go. But it's also been about remembering to breathe and connect with ,myself and the energy within. It has been about recognizing my weaknesses and improving them. No one is perfect and we all have something we can try and improve. It has been about identifying things I enjoy and want to immerse into more. It has been about self love and though that is an area I really still need to work on, yoga has given me a sense of possibility to help foster that self love. Self care has been pretty easy this year. I make sure to make it a priority through whatever fills my soul with peace.
My step back has allowed me to work on things around our house that have been on the to do list for years. Moving forward into a new decade, stepping back has allowed me to wrap up this old decade. I de-cluttered and organized and de-cluttered again and organized even more and now home feels at peace. I have smudged and burned incense, essential oils, thing that bring peace and positive energy. The last decade has been shit with one shinning light (Bee) and she keeps me going, she is the reason I am so focused on self care during the last month of this decade so we can both start a new decade with mindful breathing and a clear path to fill with life. At the end of the next decade she will be driving on her own and close to being off to college and that is eye opening to me. Its time I start to live life and not just let it pass by,
It is time to release all that does not serve and welcome hope, inspiration, courage, positivity, kindness, joy and even more self discovery. Who knows what the decade has in store for me but I feel I am prepared to handle what it throws my way and after the shit storm of the last decade, I'm moving forward into the new decade with my head held high.I'm welcoming and ready for some good things to come my way. Will you join me?
Connect with me
All Of My Children
This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:
Current Number Of Columns are = 2
Expand Posts Area =
Gap/Space Between Posts = 10px
Blog Post Style = card
Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1
Blog Post Card Background Color = current color
Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color
Blog Post Card Border Color = current color
Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results