Tears of EMDR

Bubbling up from the depths of my soul, pouring out of my eyes, running down my cheek and onto my shoulders. The tears of emdr flow freely. The tears that are like no other. They are the purest form of emotion. 

EMDR tears are emotion. They are the deepest, most raw and magical emotions I have felt (other than my love for Bee, that trumps everything). The tears are almost indescribable. There is something so powerful and healing in EMDR tears. I could be smiling and talking normally and they still flow. They flow as I work through my emotions, they are the release my body needs. All the sadness, hurt, anger, resentment, detest, depression, all those emotions melt away. My body releases the emotions as I work through the trauma. Piecing together what I thought was and what actually was (or is). 

The tears flow no matter what the topic. I was thinking about cupcakes the other day and the tears were flowing. I could not stop the tears. I can never stop the EMDR tears. They flow as they wish. I do not hold them in, I do not wipe them away. I allow them their space and time to do what my body needs them to do. 

Perhaps it helps that I do not hold back. I tried the first few times and realized no matter what I thought during the hour, the tears were coming and attempting to bottle them back up did not work out in my favor. It took me awhile to feel comfortable with EMDR tears but once I accepted them as a part of the healing process, their ability to do what they needed to do was and is still powerful. 

EMDR tears are like the key my soul needs to be free. Actively crying is freedom from my tied down emotions. It releases what I cannot. It fascinates me, truly fascinates me. I don't know how the heck it all works and I remember being so doubtful in the beginning, I didn't understand how it could help but I will say it time and time again, EMDR has and continues to give me my life back. 

There has not been a session to date in which there have not been tears. No matter what a session may look like, there are tears. Last session my brain was exhausted and it kept trying to deflect from the thought at hand, but the tears were still there. No matter how hard my brain said nope, not doing this, my body said, yes we fucking are. It's exhausting but the weight on your shoulders after a good session full of tears, it's lifted to a level I do not often relate to. 

The tears are not sobbing type of tears, they aren't gut wrenching, destroyed for days type tears, they are just tears. The delicate in nature, when they bubble up and pour out it makes them even more incredible. They are not to be feared, they are to be accepted as a part of the healing process. They are meant to help your body release the pent up tension from trauma, it is almost like the trauma is running out of your eyes and clearing your body. Your eyes are the finish line for your trauma. Not to say your trauma will go away, but the deep untouchable emotions that hold you back in life, those will be freed. They won't always disappear either, but they become more easy to manage and cope with. 

The most important thing with EMDR tears is that you honor them as they come, do not hold back, let them be free and don't forget, after a session, do what your body needs. Listen to you, put you first for a few hours. I can't promise EMDR will work for everyone, but I always say it's worth a shot if you can find someone good and just make sure to take an anxiety course first to learn some grounding rules and self-care practices before you dive into EMDR. You will need that education to help you deal with the trauma you will need to face in EMDR. Oh and invest in some good, soft Kleenex.