Dating, the act in which I hate. Any other socially anxious woman or even just woman these days, dread the thought of dating? I figured I should switch things up a bit and post on other things happening in my life and dating, well, let's just say, it's left me hopeless.
I've been divorced for almost 3 years and during that time I've done the dating thing on and off, mostly online, okay all online (with a few in person meetings). Being socially anxious doesn't lead to many opportunities to meet someone out and about since I rarely make eye contact or small talk, I'm working on it. Online dating is suppose to be the new way to go. Given, during this global pandemic, it really is the only way to go (or hold off on dating for the foreseeable future, which is starting to look like the better option).
I may laugh at the audacity some men seem to have, but truth be told, the kind of behaviour I and countless of my single lady friends have experienced is beyond disgusting. If the only type of men to date are the ones online, I'll take being single forever. It seems most men (not all) lack respect, decency, gentleness, compassion, connection, communication, authenticity, emotions, the list goes on and on. The directness of some men is what is wrong with the world. The more online dating I do, the more I am fueled to smash the shit out of the patriarchy, Women deserve better.
There are some men who admit they are in relationships and need a discrete hookup. Some men are in polyamorous relationships (one man, many women). Some men talk about sex in a sense that feels like they want to rape you. Some men say you need to take their jokes about you. All of this screams abuse yet it's allowed on these sites. This is what women have to go through. Women deserve better.
Then you have guys who answer your two paragraphs with a one word response. This is not how you get to know someone!!!! There's also the guys who after saying Hi, want to meet right away, whats the purpose of being on an online dating site if you just want to meet in person right away? You also have the ones who you make plans with but then they forget or cancel, all the time (hint taken, see ya later). There are also the guys who send one or two messages then ghost you....only to come back 4 weeks later and ask if you want to meet. Or the ones that just ghost you. Oh and apparently you are the only person that doesn't smoke because all the dudes do. Or they do drugs. Don't even get me started on the ones that have 7-10 kids from different moms and include that there is a lot of mama drama. Women deserve better.
Most of the men are prideful on the fact that they own a house, haven't been married, have no kids or debt so they are "drama free", this coming from mostly white men of course. Must be nice to have superiority in all that you do and are pretty much handed everything you have in your life. better pay, more opportunities, you haven't had to fight or try at anything. Not to mention, if you are 50 and haven't been married, I'm going with you probably have commitment issues. Women deserve better.
I know there are good men out there, I just haven't met them yet or they aren't single. But if what women expect in a relationship only comes from meeting men online, the self-partnered rate will further increase. Women deserve better. I deserve better. We will not and should not settle for less because we feel lonely. On days I feel lonely, I just pop onto online dating and am immediately reminded why staying single right now is the best option for me, until some man comes along and changes my mind, I'll continue to live my best life knowing what I deserve and what I want and enjoying where I am. Boundaries and all because those will get me through, they will remind me what I deserve.
Not all men fall into these categories but the vast majority do. I have had one successful meeting, we dated for a few months then we decided we'd be better friends and we really are and that's okay too. Just don't settle for less than what you deserve and for fuck sake men, grow up, learn to be respectful. Put effort into a relationship. Stop being scuzzy assholes. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go see what cream of the crop the dating world has sent me today.
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