Summer days have us drifting away to the East coast of Canada. We went, we saw, we conquered. Our souls relaxed and re-set. A bucket list travel destination has been checked off for both Bee and I. The beauty of the East coast is breathtaking. Getting there, not so much.
Plane tickets were booked in April after much hesitation but I knew if I did not book them, this trip would not happen. I have a fear of flying, a deeply routed fear. Like all my other fears, it has never stopped me and I wasn't going to let it stop me this time either.
I have family on the East coast whom I hadn't seen in forever (they have never met Bee in person) and I always heard how beautiful it was so we decided to go this summer. I initially wanted to wait but thought, that the hell, let's go for it. My parents traveled by car and Bee and I flew out. They picked us up at the airport and shenanigans ensued.
Getting to the airport was no easy task. I had intense anxiety and stress, I knew if I made it to the airport we'd be okay. I hide my fear of flying for weeks and tried so hard to keep it from Bee. I did not want her to feel the same fear before she had her own experience on a plane (at least that she could remember). Everything I could control, I did. I paid to have the economy plus seats so that it would only be Bee and I with more leg room, seats beside each other, boarding the plane first, getting off the plane first etc. I pre-booked parking, downloaded my boarding passes after I checked in 24 hours in advanced and we only packed carry ons and two back packs. Everything went smoothly.
I thought I had everything under control fear wise, I hid it so hard for weeks and really encouraged Bee that there was nothing to worry about (perhaps she sensed my fear) but she was scared to so we made a pact to do it together. To face this fear we both had together and recognize that we could make it through. Everything was going well, we checked in and had 2 1/2 hours to wait for our plane. We boarded first, we started taxing and then.......I lost it.
I could not hide my fear anymore, I bit my tongue hard and cried. Bee saw me but she didn't seem as scared as I did. Once we were in the air, my death grip let lose and I could finally breathe again. Take off is the worst part for me. When we landed I made a HUGE deal about how we both faced our fear and that we did it together because when you face a fear and you over come it, you need to recognize it. Did it make me realize there is nothing to fear while flying? Nope, I'll always be afraid to fly, I don't fly well but as I told Bee, I'll always do it no matter what. No matter how much fear I have about flying, I will always get on that plane because it allows me to see the world and for that, it is worth it.
To see the world, to travel with my best little buddy by my side. Time and time again, I will get on that plane, we are already planning our vacation for next year. As for Bee, kiddos not scared anymore, she said it was really fun. I hope she always feels that way and never forgets how amazing she is.
I thought crying in front of her and showing her how scared I was would be a bad thing, but in the end, it turned out to be a very valuable lesson for her. It showed her what true fear looked like and how I saw it, looked in its face and told it to fuck off, not today fear, not today.
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All Of My Children
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